Sagittarius- Listen to a kebab. It’s nature’s way of saying, “you’ve had enough to drink, it’s time to go home!”

Capricorn– Paying attention to the little things will be vital for you this month. If you look carefully you’ll notice the Fibonacci sequence in every Kebab. 

Aquarius– If your social life depended on it, what would you rather? Fight 100 kebab-sized Donald Trumps or eat one Donald Trump-sized kebab?

Pisces– Use this to test the gullibility of friends and family. They say that while painting the Mona Lisa, Leonardo da Vinci was living on a diet of a lamb kebabs and sheep milk.

Aries– They say if you eat a well-made kebab before you go to bed, you’ll dream in vivid colour and surround sound. If you have a poorly made kebab, be prepared for a nightmare. The lesson here is in the packing.

Taurus- This month you need to calm your mind. If a kebab falls over in the forest, in which direction would the special sauce spill? 

Gemini- We often don’t take enough time to prepare for long journeys. Remember the journey of one thousand miles starts with a well packed kebab and a mix tape.

Cancer- If Kelis could get all the boys to the yard with her milkshake, where would the boys go for her kebab? Recognise the power of your kebab!

Leo- The say eating a kebab is the gateway to cultural acceptance.

Virgo- You need to be more frugal this month! What would you spend your last $10 on- alcohol, a cigar or a kebab? If you said kebab, you’re right!

Libra- It’s interesting to know that lining your stomach helps absorb alcohol, and yet alcohol also makes you eat more. The lesson here is to bookend your next big night out with a kebab. It’s the Alpha and Omega of a good night out.

Scorpio- If the French paradox is a diet high on red wine that has health benefits for your heart, is the Arab paradox that a diet high in kebabs makes you more attractive to the opposite sex after 3am?